Ramble Redhead Blog

Since it is snowing like crazy  - Joe and I are doing some house cleaning and doing laundry etc.  As I was cleaning up one of the rooms I came across some poems that I wrote many years ago and thought I would share them with those who read this.  Let me know what you think!

4-29-91 805pm

The darkness refuses to let go

the light will not shine

the hours tick slowly

and the sounds are ever so clear

I know that the words are there

like casual friends ask how you are

despite the ache of a heart

or the cold feeling in your heart

you tell them “Fine just fine”
They smile contently

knowing you are lying

waiting for you to fail

so they can feel better

Here are sixteen random thoughts I would share with you all - stole this idea from others on Facebook

1 - I am lucky I have my Joe - he has been there for me so many times that I hope he knows how much I do love him.

2 - There has been two new additions to Joe’s side of the family. His sister gave birth to a beautiful boy Miles last Monday and both mom and baby are doing fine. The other new addition is a black lab that his other sister recently adopted and loved the fact that she named him Dexter after we told her about the amazing show Dexter that is on Showtime.

3 - I really hate winter - especially when I have to drive several hours in a snow storm that is so nasty that I can’t even see the road. I had to cut my trip short last night and had to find a new hotel and was lucky to make to Holland, Michigan.

4 - I am so sick of these award shows that reward talentless hacks like Kid Rock etc.

5 - I am still pissed at Barbara Walters for the nasty questions she asked Patrick Swayze and his wife last week.

6 - I am glad I finally posted a new show of my podcast - want to get more shows out this year and need to be more proactive.

7 - I am so honored to have friendships with so many people via the internet from Candy, Tim, Peter, Freddy, Kevin, Omar, Lauren, Arthur, David just to name a few. I will always be touched by this amazing group of people.

8 - I have to agree with Bjorn I love movies. I have been a big fan since I was a kid and would love to be on the couch wrapped in a blanket and watch as I am filled with laughter, shock, tears and sadness and often it is with only one film. Latest watched: 27 Dresses (A) Eagle Eye (B) Wall E (B-) Untraceable (B) The Visitor (A) Charlie Wilson’s War (B-) Tongues Untied (D)

9 - I was really happy to find out that I made my sales goal for 2008 and by doing so I am able to get a bonus!! It will help pay off some bills and be vacation money!

10 - I am amazed how quickly my god kids are growing up. They are 18, 15 and 12 and I still remember when they were little and I would kidnap them for the day and we would go have fun at the arcade, see a movie or go on a shopping spree for the youngest Helen! I have such memories of them and how they see the world in a different way and the world would always be good. It is nice to have that feeling.

11 - I have a goal this year to finally get to my goal weight of 170-175 lbs. I have been eating better and exercising more and I love it. The key to success is to look at this as a plan for improving myself rather than a diet. I love to change the way I exercise so I am never bored. I have already lost 3 pounds so far so I am happy!

12 - I am so tired of reading the newspaper or watching the news - every story is so sad: the economy, unemployment, murders etc the list goes on and on. Stories that really bug me are the ones about how the government treats our veterans - read today’s cover story of USA Today and you will see what I mean.

13 - I love my Iphone and the various applications you can get and many of them are free. The latest ones I have added are Crazy Penguin, Recorder, Frenzic, Vlingo, Uno, Iheartradio and Yahtzee Adventures.

14 - I have been watching some new television shows lately and have to say they are really great. I am now addicted to How I Met Your Mother - I watched the first season and have the next two ready to go. I am excited about new season of The Biggest Loser, American Idol, Amazing Race and Survivor!

15 - I love the internet and the ability to be able to watch a show, movie, documentary and then be able to find the person (most of the time) very easily and ask them to be a guest on my show. In the three years of doing this show I have only had five people write back telling me they would not be on the show.

16 - I have to say I didn’t think writing 16 random thoughts would be that difficult but this was a challenge. Why don’t you give it a try.

you could hear her laughter

as you came walking in

she didn’t say hello

she gave me a grin

“UNCLE TOM” were the first words

as she gave me a hug

she is getting far too big

much too fast

what happened to that little girl

that I held in the past

No more Build a Bear in her future

probably cell phone plans

texting all her friends about the one

that they all have a crush on

One day soon she will be walking down the aisle

and I know the tears will fall

will she remember all this stuff at all

as I do right now?

As 2008 is now part of history - we shall move onto 2009. Filled with sadness of the economy, the wars, the unemployment but as I sit here writing this I am still filled with hope that it will get better for all of us.  I like many others I am sure have thought about this last year and what we can do to improve our lives in 2009.

Here is a small list of things I want to do and when I hope to have them completed:

1 - Get to 170 lbs by the end of June 2009.

2 - Get more shows out on my podcast each week

3 - Travel to Europe

4 - Keep building on communicating with everyone - every day

5 - Get a book published of my interviews and hope people will buy it.

6 -  Pray Obama will be a great leader for us and help the GLBT community

7 - Try not to stress out so much about the little things that don’t really matter

8 - Work on the things that really do

9 - Start working on my Master’s degree

10 - Do something for myself - every day

I have been on vacation all this week and I have been staying up way to late and sleeping in and this morning was no different.  I woke up to the phone ringing and it was Joseph and he called to let me know that the roads were very icy and that he was still not at work.  He left at 730am and it was now 9am and I was surprised.  He said he was only going 5 mph and they have closed the bypass, toll road and even roads going south on US 31.  He would call me when he made it there.  He would call every half hour or so with an update and he still was not there.  I was so worried that something would happen and then finally at 1045am he texted me and said he was at work safe.

I called everyone I knew in the area and to make sure they were ok and they all were.  I was so amazed by how quickly the weather can change.  It went from being in the 20s to now at the time of writing this it is 48 degrees and foggy.

Later in the day I went to the store to get groceries and I was listening to Auntie Vera and she was talking about her partner Gooch and the incredible story of his father’s illness and th suicides of his mother and sister and all this happened at a very young age and while I walked around the store and heard this story I was so close to tears,  I couldn’t imagine being 8 years old and finding out that your mother had committed suicide and so on.  I am very lucky to have the joys in my life, my family, Joe, my friends, my job, my house, my cat and dog and even though at time everyone of these things can get me I know I am lucky that I have them for there are many in this world who aren’t so lucky.

So if you are reading this (thank you) and I hope you take the time to remember the good things in your life and how lucky you are and to value what you hold dear to your heart.

When I arrived from the store Joe was home and I put the things down and ran to him and hugged him and kissed him and was so glad to hold him.

It is hard to believe that Christmas is so close and I have had no motivation at all. Joe and I spent the day cleaning, doing laundry and I was watching The Biggest Loser Season 4 on the Reality Channel. I love this show and it is amazing what these people on the show were able to do and make such drastic changes to themselves in a short time period. One guy was over 423 pounds and was able to lose over 100 pounds in 8 weeks. I know they are working out 4-5 hours each day and that is not realistic for anyone but still it shows that it can be done.

I have been wanting to lose some weight as I have said on my show and people always say oh you look great but there is still part of me that doesn’t think so. I see some of the pics from my latest trip and it makes me want to go ugh!

I was putting things away and playing match maker for my socks and I realized that I don’t need to buy any socks for a very very long time.

Later in the afternoon I met my best friend and his wife and kids at the mall and we had a quick meal a the food court then walked around a bit. I was shocked they were going to be open until 11pm on a Sunday night! I hadn’t seen my friends in a long time with my schedule and theirs it has been very difficult to meet. I feel bad when I don’t get to see my godkids but when I do it is great!

I went home and had to get everything ready for Homo Movie Night - we began to walk this documentary about this girl who stared a gay-straight alliance at her local school and they had major issues trying to get it going. We watched the last two episodes of Sordid Lives and of course it ended in a cliff hanger and I do hope the show will be back on Logo. It is very funny!

I have been trying to get better in shape and so I have joined the gym, began running, reading men’s health books and buying all of the tech toys to help me reach my goals.

Recently I bought a Bodybugg and it is a device you can use to help track what you are doing exercise wise and then you can help with eating by putting in a food diary. I was having some issues with getting started and had to call them many times because the serial number on my device was not working. It was really frustrating and then finally today it worked and I was happy to see that I could use it with my mac so whoo hoo!

If you are serious about your workouts you might want to give them a try!

Tonight was the famous Homo movie night and alhough we had a small audience - we enjoyed the fun and dessert by watching the movie Kiss the Bride.  It was made by the people from the movie Latter Days and it was very good - well acted and the two leads were very nice to look at!! 

I would strongly recommend this movie!

Two big gay thumbs up!

Since we didn’t do too much on Friday night and it was snowing like crazy today - Joe and I decided to continue the stay at home and get things done around the house during the day that is - but at night we went to dance for Joe’s work.  It was the third one we attended and it was very nice. It was nice talking with people that Joe works with and it will always be a happy memory for me.

It was only two months after Joe and I met in 2006 and he invited me to go to this dance.  It was held downtown and it was in this very nice place. They had a live band and then a DJ for later.  We had good food and a few drinks and had our first picture professionally taken and we were wearing some very nice tuxes! We had a great time and then it became even better when Joe asked me to dance.  It was to Etta James’s At Last and it was very touching and even as I write this I get a tear or two.  I thought it was so romantic and no one there cared at all which made it even better.

The other memory I have of that night was when we had the picture taken and we walked up to the photographer and he asked how close we were going to be.  Joe took his arm and wrapped it around my waist and pulled me close to him and I smiled as the photographer said OK then!

The day was filled with driving all over Chicago and then I was able to make the scenic drive back home to my Joseph and my two pets that help drive me crazy!  I arrived home and Joe had dinner in the oven and so we had  a nice quiet night watching tv and movies and cuddling on the couch.  I miss him so much when I am gone and I am grateful for when he and I together.  I am so glad that he is willing to accept that I have to leave for work and we make it work.  Granted we have our times when we drive each other insane but we make it work and do the best we can.